The Power of De-Cluttering Your Space

Let's talk about personal space, clutter and how it can affect us. Now there are three kinds of people in this world.

The kind of person I am trying to be: Clean and organized, those people who have their shit together (at least they seem like it). The person that I actually am: cluttered, not dirty, but not at all organized. And then... well we all know that other kind of person. They're kinda just.. gross. No offense. Usually they're bachelors. They can't help it. And really as long as people are not wallowing in filth that can spread disease,  that's okay.

But let's face it, most of us would love to have color coded closets, and completely minimalist empty tables and bookshelves (or movie shelves) that are alphabetized and whatnot. Which would be great. And it's a totally realistic idea, if you don't have kids, and if you have lots of time, and the means to maintain it. Which means everything is literally not touched unless it's being dusted.)

I don't know about you guys, but I don't live that way. Plus I've got a one year old, and she dominates everything within her grasp. And as soon as she learns how to walk without holding onto furniture (she's barely one), I have a feeling my house is going to constantly be a state of "Toddler Was Here."

Which is ok. Because I have taken action. Proactively. To teach her to be organized and clean as she grows up. You see. My childhood, I was raised with a mom... who was a bit of a hoarder. And not like in the show "Hoarders" kind of way. It was more like clutter - Keep the plastic containers of yogurt and sour cream because we can reuse them. Or Hey! We can make something out of this pretty glass bottle! Recycling is great - but there came a point where it became too much.

And honestly it kind of stressed me out as a kid. And I took the habit with me as an adult. It wasn't until recently when I had kind of a break through. I don't have to KEEP those containers to recycle. And I don't have to keep all of the old clothes I don't wear any more to make anything out of them. I could you know... just donate them. Or turn them into cleaning rags.

And so I purged. I purged my closet and purged my house. And now I'm mostly rid of trash. Things I don't want. And the funny thing is I needed to do that anyway. Because I'm remodeling you know. you can't remodel with a bunch of crap laying around. And the weird thing is... I super enjoyed the purging process. I ended up watching a bunch of Marie Kondo's "Tidying Up." I learned new things.

And then I did research on the psychological affects that tidying up could have.
The effects of clutter can stress someone out. It can make you lose sleep. It can heighten anxiety. Depression can be amplified or even manifested. It can cause tension within family members in the home. It can do the same for children too - except a little bit worse - they're psyche is a little more fragile than an adults after all.

And... I honestly can say it's true. From PERSONAL experience.

First and foremost. I've slept better. Just knowing that I dont have a shit ton of CRAP to sift through in the morning to find something to wear. And I don't have to worry knowing that everything has it's place. I will admit, I'm still working on it, but I'm only human. Besides its way easier to clean someone else's house then your own. And again I'm remodeling.

But my depression since I have started to do a total clean out my house has lessened. My anxiety  the feeling of being overwhelmed the minute I walk into my house has gone - and while my house is still not perfect - it's a progressing work in progress.

So if you are feeling any of these things. You may need to de-clutter and get rid of excess things. You may just need a little bit more space.

When You Fail - You Succeed

When You Fail, You Are On The Right Path to Success. 

I believe that the only way a person can grow, is to put a conscious effort into it. And whether you are growing a business, expanding yourself personally, or even just looking for a little motivation - I truly believe that the key to that is personal mental growth. 

And in my opinion, one of the biggest keys to self-growth is gaining a new perspective on what we call 'failure.' Failure can be defined as so many things - each individual can look at themselves and pick out mental and emotional sores from experiences that they deem as failures. Personally, financially, business wise, socially, and so on and so forth. 

Recently, I had some severe failures of my own. Personally and business-wise - and those failures were directly entwined with each other. And I could not get past it. I kept thinking: "If only I had done this." Or "I should have walked away." "I wasted so much time." I was so fixated on my failures - that I could not move forward beyond those failures. 

You know what they say though - you are and always will be your own worst critic - and in being that you are your own worst enemy when it comes to achieving success. 

So I did some digging and found a wonderful book - written by an established and wonderful author named John Maxwell. The book was titled "Failing Forward." The title immediately caught my eye - and it was on my list of self-growth books that I needed to read anyway. 

And it was the first few chapters where I found the keys to my own enlightenment.  So I would like to 'dumb down' a few of the main points here that Maxwell explained in his book - and share it with all of my readers.  These points were so amazing, and so thought provoking that it was within the first few chapters that I was able to begin moving forward and taking my failures with me to a new path - where I very strongly hope to succeed - using my failures as my cornerstone and foundation for my success. 

So first we need to understand what failure is. Everyone has their own definition. And most of the time, it has a negative definition. The very word failure sends ripples of anxiety and fear in most people. Because we have all, for the most part, been raised to believe that failure is objective, that it's permanent, that it's a stain on ourselves that will forever be remembered.  Basically, in a nutshell most people view failure as: "You did not succeed. You failed. And in doing so, you have brought shame upon yourself, your family, and your cow." - Yes. I just made a Mulan reference. Go watch it after you read this. It's a great movie. 

So what is failure truly? The true definition of failure is this: "Failure is the price we pay for success."

John Maxwell explained this beautifully in his book, and it comes up repeatedly throughout it. He felt the urgency to repeat it several times - so I will take a page from his book - (get it?) - and so will I.

Failure is the price we pay for success.

All roads that lead to accomplishment, success and triumph lead through the land of failure.  This is a semi edited statement taken directly out of John Maxwell's book. And he is absolutely right! He gives many stories of great people of importance in history, with detailed accounts of their failures and what brought them to success. But I am going to just highlight a few ones of important note.

Albert Einstein is perhaps my most favorite historical figure to think about when I'm feeling hard on myself. He had the most amazing view of failure, and some of his most famous quote give you quite an insight to it. To list a few of those quotes that explain how failure is a success:

• "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."
• "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
• "Once you stop learning, you start dying."
• "It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer."

Or what about Thomas Edison's quote about failure? 

• "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

And a personal hero of mine - J.K Rowling. She was rejected by 12 publishers. But because she did not give up - look at the monumental BRAND that "Harry Potter" is today. Same with a lesser favored "Twilight" series, that was rejected by 14 publishers! 

The most important thing to learn here is that failure is not objective, it's subjective. John Maxwell explains this concept beautifully in his book - but here is a simple break down of it.  Only you can label yourself, make yourself feel or look like a failure. As John Maxwell informed me - failure is not a stigma unless you make it a stigma on yourself. 

So... the difference between "achieving" people and "average" or "failing" people?  Point of view of course. Perspective. So the first step for me, was that I needed a new definition, a new perspective and a new approach to my failures. 

Maxwell highlighted a few important key facts that I have made a conscious decision to apply to myself. And they key factors are dramatically helping me every day change my perspective - so that I can continue to "fail forward," instead of just failing. 

1. Achievers reject rejection and do not take failure personally.
2. Achievers don't see failure as permanent. 
3. Achievers see incidents of 'failure' as isolated events. 
4. Achievers keep REASONABLE and REALISTIC goals - I am so guilty of setting almost impossible goals - which in turn sets me up for failure. 
5. Achievers focus on strengths, and what they CAN do - and they try to hone their weaknesses in their spare time so that they can add them to the strengths list. 
6. Achievers try a variety of methods to succeed in their goals. If one way does not work - they try again a different way (Heeeey, Mr. Edison!)
7. Achievers bounce back. Life is a series of 'outcomes.' And every outcome is a lesson - and that most certainly includes 'failures.' 

So from here on out. Stop letting the fear of "failure" paralyze you, stop procrastinating, stop feeling hopeless and like you have no meaning to your life, stop avoiding what you are afraid of, and stop being inactive. 

Because according to both John Maxwell - AND Albert Einstein - "A life full of mistakes is more honorable than one of non-action." 

And I would be to agree. Whatever your goals are, remember to make reasonable and realistic goals - and if you don't succeed ... try again. You didn't fail. You just didn't quite succeed that time around. But that doesn't mean you can't. 

So quit smoking. Get promoted. Build a business. Fall in love. Go make a friend. Tell that terrible truth. And be free knowing that ALL success is a direct result from failure.

Oh! And if you're wondering - YES! You can read this amazing book. You can actually find it on Youtube  - the entire audio book for free. However - you can also find it on Amazon.com. If you are struggling with failure, and how to get past it - I super DUPER recommend John Maxwell's "Failing Forward."  It will move you and help you better understand failure, so that you can reach your personal success. 

Breaking Free From Dependency

So it's been a while since I've made a post, and for that I do apologize. But we are most definitely getting back on track. And some of you may be wondering what may have happened to me? Why did I quit writing? Where did my words go? 

And it's quite a simple answer: I wish I knew. 

For a long time I was lost. Life seems to get harder and harder the more we grow up. The more things happen, the more painful incidents become. Money, relationships, family are all stresses that everyone has - so I am sure most of you understand when I say the following: Sometimes life just gets in your way, and the wrong turns you take lead you down dark paths and then you lose yourself in the maze we call life.  

And when you lose yourself, you lose sight of who you are, who you want to be, and who you were. I do believe I am free enough right now to say that is exactly what happened to me. And it never helps if you're in situations emotionally where you have no support - or at least you feel that way. 

Life has been hard lately. In the past couple of years, I've had a beautiful baby - she's almost 9 months as of today. And she is most definitely the best part of my life. The rest of it  kind of sucks though and I hate to say it - I can relate it all to my bad decisions. My bad decisions to involve myself with people who care nothing about taking advantage of me, or beating me down, or trying to change who I am. 

And it's just funny, because although you can't help who you love - you can choose to either let it control you, or you can 'man-up' (I say that loosely...) and choose the pain. I didn't choose the pain. I chose for a long time to let the outside influences of myself change me. 

And now I am certainly trying to get back to myself. 

Even now, I'm pining for someone who will never change, but instead wants me to break pieces of myself and throw them away so I learn to tolerate the emotional roller coaster that it is to love them. The breathless feeling of need of their presence when I know in my head it's bullshit. Nobody needs anyone. Not like that. 

We're social creatures, and we do need other people - but we never need just one person for validation. We never need to lower ourselves and put up with being confused or hurt or unclear for any extended amount of time. We choose to do that. 

We choose the pain that other people bring us. And that's what confuses us. 
"Why do they do this to me? Why would they do that? I love them so much, and they say they love me, so why do they keep hurting me?"

Why do you choose to keep letting them? It's a primal instinct to need another person. The problem with someone who has been abused once, is we feel the need for validation. We feel the need to be loved. We cling to the smallest notions of this love and validation as soon as it appears. And it creates a vicious cycle. Maybe you're not being abused again per say - but I bet deep down  - like me - you're not happy. Because those small nuggets of love and validation are few and far between. But you cling to them, because they come. 

And then never mind the off-on again cycle. Never mind all the times you feel lonely when you're not supposed to, or the fact that things are said and done that make you feel misplaced or cry. It's those little desperate nuggets when things finally do feel good. And it's like.. that's all you need right? Those little moments wipe everything away.

And so you attract only those kinds of people. Only that kind of energy. Because you feel worthless and low, and you're easy prey. You depend on these people for validation when really they can't give it to you. Not in the way you deserve. 

No one deserves to feel happy once a week or less. We deserve more than that. And if you're not - if you're in a situation where you are just clinging to the moments of happiness and the rest of the time you're stuck wondering why, or feeling out of place, or weird, or sad, or lonely... that is WRONG!

To break free from that - you need to recognize that you do deserve more. It's too hard to learn to love yourself before you break free of this circle of dependency. I am far from loving myself. It's hard to even come to terms with the fact that we do deserve more. I am struggling with it every day. 

But I'm going to write it down. And then share it with everyone who ever lays eyes on this - because that way it's out there. The energy is being manifested. And I hope it resonates with people who have been stuck in the same vicious loop of pain and lonely that I have been for years. I hope you take this to heart because - even now tears and pain are ripping through me as I write this. Because I don't believe it yet - I just know it in my mind. Next I need to feel it in my heart.

I deserve more.
I deserve to feel loved - not just sometimes - but all the time.
I deserve to not have to wonder if I am loved.
I deserve to be able to talk to my friends and not have to worry about if it's going to cause a fight. 
I deserve to feel secure. 

I don't deserve to be told I am something I am not - and that I would stray away from my feelings of devotion when I would never. 
I don't deserve to have to figure out and puzzle why one day my relationship is good, and why suddenly one day it's not. 
I don't deserve to wonder why I'm not enough. Because I am enough. And every single person who has ever genuinely loved me for who I am has told me so repeatedly. 
I don't deserve to hate myself. 
I deserve more. 

And so do you. So lets break free together. Lets look in the mirror and tell ourselves everyday that we deserve more. Until our heart believes it. Then when we figure out how to be happy on our own, how to survive without the constant pressure of up and down, fight or love, and never knowing what each day is going to be like... we will figure out how to love ourselves.

Then... we will learn how to attract people who love us for who we are - and who aren't afraid to show it.