Stressucation! A Debrief of Stress Harmful Effects And 5 Organic Tips to DeStress

We always hear about how stress isn’t good us. People are always telling us that we need to relax (which if you’re anything like me, that irritates you and stresses you out more). But why? There of those of us that are called “stressors.” Our stress holds us together. As long as we have a 10 hour work shift, errands to run, bills to pay (which is why we have to work 10 hour work shifts), and a million other things to do we seem to be held pretty much together. It’s not like we choose to be this way, we just are. Because that’s how our life is. Because let’s face it: Being an adult is stressful and it’s rare that we find those moments when we don’t have at least one thing stressing us out. But it’s just stress right? Sure maybe you don't feel the best emotionally, and may have a hard time getting your thoughts together but the fact of the matter is stressors  that may be harming ourselves physically on top of our obvious emotional/mental problems.

Not only does constant stress make it harder to focus and function, but stress also lowers our immune system. Without getting into exact science of it, stress inhibits our immune system, as well as our ability to heal, as well as opening up the door for vulnerability to some major life-changing diseases such as Type 2 Diabetes, some autoimmune diseases, and osteoporosis. Scary right? So how do people who have stress, especially the chronic stressors, get some relief? And how do they get it without taking  anxiety medication or other medications that may ‘zombie-fy’ them? Well, here’s a few non-chemical tips to get that de-stress everybody needs!

• Start with a Tea. Everyone knows that one person out there who just cannot start their day without that morning coffee. If they don’t get their coffee they are cranky, groggy, slow and well… Coffee-zilla. Don’t worry. This segment is not about giving that cup of morning joe up. Even though coffee isn’t exactly great for you, one cup a day isn’t going to cause major damage. However if you have more than one, maybe you should consider replacing that second cup with a tea! It’s just as good, and way better for your body. And those of you who are smoothie breakfast people, or don’t really have a morning beverage ceremonially, you too ought to consider a tea. A cup of chamomile tea, chai tea, or green tea will get those stress feelings under control.
• Bust-A-Move. We are all tired of hearing our doctors to tell us to exercise. And as an adult, there's only a small portion of us who have time between work, family and life to put in a work out. And let’s be real here - there’s a select few people who like exercising. Exercising is not as bad as it seems though! Exercise is kind of like meditating for those that cannot empty their mind to meditate. Once one begins to exercise, after a while, all your focus goes to the one action that you’re doing as your body works harder and harder to complete the tasks you’re telling it to do. And when your body gets to working like that, endorphins (a scientific word for ‘happy’ feelsy stuff in your body) begin to flow. And believe it or not, after your workout you will feel more relaxed, be in a better mood despite yourself, and even though you might be sweaty and out of breath; answers that you might have been struggling with become more clear. So maybe you don’t want to go on a diet and exercise to lose weight (probably to just spite your Dr. It’s okay we all do it.), just find time for 30 minutes a day of whatever physical activity you enjoy (that gets your heart pumping and your sweat pouring) to keep those stress levels down!
• Clear your mind! Some people can’t meditate while sitting still. It’s just not possible for them. For some people they don’t have the discipline to not fidget, others don’t have the attention span, and let’s face it - focusig on nothing or just the feeling of your nose is hard. The term ‘meditate’ is used loosely here. Meditation-in-motion is something that is being encouraged more and more. Meditate by doing something that relaxes you. Adult-Coloring books are becoming a rather well known thing, as coloring helps you focus on one action at a time, and when you get focused on it you lose track of thought of much else. Some people actually use running or walking as their meditation, focusing on burning calories or going a distance, keeping up a certain speed, or even just focusing on the sensation of their legs burning as they lift and step, the feeling of their foot hitting the ground or the sweat dripping down their face. Find an activity that allows you to focus on it, instead of everything that may or may not stress you out. And if you’re one of the few that has the ability to sit on a yoga-mat and focus on just your breathing then make sure you do it! A little breather every day will help you be able to feel more in control of your situation and your stress triggers.
• Crank it up! Everybody needs some music. Again music helps the body relax and release those feel-goods in your hormones. Music appreciation is stimulated by whatever brave waves it activates - or something like that. So whether you are a rocker, a bee-bopper, an oldies and goodies, or if you appreciate the sound of a good country tune, no matter what it is, play it.  As long as you like what you hearing, turn that music on and up whenever you can! And if you play an instrument, make sure you play it to your hearts content!
• Sleep is your friend - no matter how evasive it may seem. When your stressed, sleep isn’t exactly an easy thing to come by. But learn your body, put yourself on a scheduled regime so that your body becomes accustomed to sleeping at a certain time. Out of everything, this is probably the hardest thing to do. However if you are tired, you will not be able to manage your stress. So learn how to manage your sleep and get help for it if you must. A cup of chamomile tea with yarrow and passionflower will help you relax making your melatonin more effective.

How Closure Can Heal

I think it's reasonable to guess that almost everyone in the world has experienced a situation in which they have received no closure. Whether it be an incident, a relationship, an experience, an addiction or lifestyle, I believe we all have dealt with something that moved us deeply and created a wound in which refuses to close. In fact, I think it's safe to say majority of people have experience several things in their life in which closure seems out of reach.

The worst thing about not having closure is humans have a habit of being lured into a false sense security after so long. The wound on our hearts involving whatever situation we experienced scabs over and we think: "Okay. I'm over it. I'm healed. It doesn't hurt or bother me any more. I don't care about it." And we truly think that this is the case until something happens to cause the scab to tear and allow the pus from the festering wound to seep out in the open and assault our senses with the stench of infection. Do keep in mind I'm saying this figuratively.

I guess one good example is the situation I am currently in. My biological father was never there for me as a child, or my early adulthood. I suppose at the ripe age of 26, I am still currently still in young adulthood. As a child, I wanted his attention. As a teenager, I was hurt and angry. As an adult, I didn't think I cared any more - as I have a few very strong and solid male role models in my life to lead and guide me.  On my wedding day, I didn't think about my biological father at all. The  day I left my husband, all I wanted was authoritative father figures I currently have. I thought: "I'm okay. I turned out fine. I don't hate him any more, I don't want him around and I certainly do not care what happens."

But as I mentioned, sometimes things happen that rip open that scab and make you face the infection of animosity (or pain or anger or whatever it is that the situation you are faced with) from whatever it is in which you have no closure. And it's always a shocker. It rocks you back on your heels as if you were hit by a sudden force of pressure, and sometimes it could take days to actually sink in.

I was informed that my biological father is basically... dying to put it bluntly a week or two ago. When I was first informed I felt nothing. But as I thought about it, I realized I was on a time limit now to actually be okay with the situation. Was I okay with letting him die without telling him how much he's hurt me?

Am I okay with him not recognizing me as a person that he helped create and bring into this world ? And that I turned out to be pretty influential even though I keep my circles tight and very small?

I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I was not as healed as I have thought. I am reaching out to him... I guess even this blog post is a way of reaching out to him. Because I want him to know that I turned out fine without him. Because that is my closure. I want him to know that he hurt me. But I grew up fine in spite of it. I want to tell him I love him, I hate him, and I do not think that when he dies the tears I will cry will be out of sadness, but of regret of never really knowing him, and never being loved by him.

I have father figures who are proud of me, who I strive to make proud of me. And I am okay with that. I've come to terms with them and they love me and see me for me. And I love them.  However, everybody knows it's not the same.

Perhaps it is not the nicest closure to receive, to tell a dying man that he wasn't needed after all, and that he hurt people in his life. I'm sure as he's dying, every regret is coming to him in loads. Perhaps I am one of them in some way, shape or form. I only fear the regret of me will be my existence - but I will not let that bother me. I will tell him even though I love him, I hate him, and to not expect sadness of his death from me, only regret.

Because that will be my closure even though it's hard to say - especially since as a shaman I am to understand the neutral side of his own feelings and fears. As a daughter though, I will not spend the rest of my life hating a dead man for what he never tried to do and for what he never did. I will tell him how I feel, so that when he finally journeys into the afterlife, I do not keep him tethered by a chain of animosity, but rather one of neutral acknowledgment that he once existed and some where his spirit will continue to exist. That way I can proudly continue to say that I am a shaman, and I have strove and continue to conquer my own physical and emotional faults - so that I can continue to help people without being a hypocrite.

Because the only way to cure a wound like this is to get closure. And I strongly urge those who have something that keep them in the past, or keep them from moving forward and onto new and brighter things is to do just this: Seek closure. Let your words leak from the heart, and come rushing forth without hesitation. Because that is the only way you will get closure - and even if the situation does not go as you hope - at the end of the day you will still have closure.

The peace that comes with closure is a heavenly feeling, and it leaves the taste of progress lingering in your mouth.  Usually closure comes with a price, and the action to gain that closure feels like one of the hardest things you will have to do. And perhaps, like in my situation, the realization that you even need closure can be shocking and hard to come to terms with. But once it is done... it is completely done.

So go forth, and get your closure. You deserve it.